Emilys Desire

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Many of them had an early interest in taking plans or concepts and turning them into something tangible.

From Lego sets to 4H sewing classes, the desire to bring things to life unites the women and likely men of construction. Plus, I love cars.

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Emily says any woman who finds satisfaction in bringing things from ideas to fruition should consider a career in construction. It is really special. Accounting, project management, marketing, human resources—there are options.

Character Analysis

Anyone who meets Emily knows she does not lack confidence in her work. She says her Dad played an integral role in bringing her up to know that she could do anything she wanted. Desire for sex is very sensitive to context: EN: "There are some situations, and if anybody thinks back about their own sexual history, you'll be able to identify certain periods of your life when you had really high interest in sex compared to other periods, and sometimes when it was really not so much in place.

Some people are more consistent and stable across their lifespan, but for most people, it really changes a lot.

Mirrors of desire

There's a dual control model of sexual response: EN: "There's two parts to it, and one part is the gas pedal — or accelerator — which means the other part has to be the brake. So, the accelerator responds to all the sexually relevant information in the environment — everything you see, hear, touch, smell, taste, or imagine that your brain codes as sexually relevant and it sends the "turn on" signal.

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The brake, at the same time that that's happening, is noticing all the very good reasons not to be turned on right now — everything you see, hear, smell, touch, taste or imagine — that's a potential threat, and it sends a signal that says "turn off. If we want to change the "ons" and "offs," we have to relearn: EN: "There's a normal bell curve distribution of how sensitive the accelerator and the brakes are. Most of us are just heaped up in the average section. There are some people with extra sensitive, or insensitive accelerators and extra sensitive or not sensitive brakes — most of us are just average.

And, from the moment we're born, our brains are learning what to count as sexually relevant and what to count as a potential threat, and that's what we can change. It's learned. There's almost nothing that's actually innately sexual, so we learn that and we can unlearn it and teach it something new.

There are ways to treat pain during sex: EN: "Yeah, vaginismus is one of the most treatable forms of sexual pain.

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So, a brief definition — vaginismus is chronic inhibitory tone of the pubococcygeus muscle, so the muscle at the mouth of the genitals is locked up tight. And the treatment is a combination of systemic desensitization and meditation, essentially, where you learn to tighten and relax that muscle at will. So, you gradually learn to relax it when you want. It can be a source of very intense pain. A lot of couples will get to the point of being married and it's not until they want to have kids that they seek treatment because women can be fully functional, sexually, otherwise, but just not be able to experience penetration.

So, it's highly treatable. When women bring reports of genital pain to their doctors, much too often, the doctors are dismissive and say that it's all in you head. So, if that happens to you when you go to a doctor, find a different doctor. There are some great books about pain and we know, for sure, there are effective treatments, not just for genital pain associated with the dryness of menopause, for example, but also for dyspareunia and for vulvodynia, effective treatments exist.

Emily's choice

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